Surprise! I'm a single parent

If guys knew just how uplifting, exciting, fascinating flowers were, they would send them all the time. But I don’t think they do. Women know though. The other week I invited a friend around for dinner and she brought me a pot with three tulips in it. They were still buds. I placed the pot in a blue bowl and put the bowl in the center of my dining table.

Oh my goodness every time Ive walked past the table Ive seen those buds maturing. What colour would they be? The outer petals of the tulip is green but as it flowers they turn into the colour that the flower will be. How classy. How magical. How interesting. How beautiful. How dynamic.

Maybe its because women focus on the small indicators of childrens growth and their ever changing beauty that we relate to flowers so much.

The tulips were orange. Not a dull one sort of colour of orange but a flickering of yellows and warm ochre and hints of sexy red. Joyous and bold and brazen and changing every day on my table – lighting it up and enjoying center stage.

A while back I started buying myself flowers every now and again – I don’t buy a big $50 arrangement with lots of paper and plastic and roses that last two days. I buy my flowers at the market and the supermarket. I love daffodils and daisies and something I get with a mass of blue flowers like a hyacinth but not. Theya re not on my list of esential items that I try and stick to. They cost maybe as much as a glossy magazine but I think I get more entertainment from them and more visual delight. Magazines have me thinking about more things Id like to buy and how I need to change me but FLOWERS are about being perfect right now – and when their blooms finish its like a little life you’ve known thats done its thing. You’ve cheered them on and now they can go out into the compost bin and be a different sort of beautiful.

I still love that song that Barbara Streisand sang “You don’t bring me flowers…” such a great number. How fleeting is courtship between lovers sometimes, but we can have flowers whenever we want Barbara.

My separation agreement continues to go out into the world. Every few days or weeks a person sends an email asking for it. It’s usually a one liner but I can usually sense the tears and trauma. Sometimes the heartbreak and fear is written plainly, like one woman who asked for the agreement and remarked that she was home with a young baby and how could he leave us? I just wanted to say come to my place we’ll make room for you and the baby!

I hope the agreement gave her something. I hope he is helping with the baby.

Sometimes I wonder if the people get back together?

On the odd occasion someone sends back a thank you – which is not expected but is appreciated. It keeps me motivated to check my emails and send out copies promptly.

Recently a woman has written to say thank you AND that she has asked for a word version and she is going to anonymise hers too. And, that having mine saved her a lot of money. Yay!!!!! I’m so pleased. If she sends it to me I will start sending out both or look to combine them in some way.

And this ends the news

So when I broke up with my ex I thought to myself that I would probably be spending the rest of my life alone.  In fact that was my thought – will it be ok to be single for the rest of my life?

And the answer was yes. For me it was bad enough. So I ended it.

At first being on my own was scarey and depressing. Not when the kids were around but when they weren’t. It was so important for me to have at least one social thing organised ahead of time before they went to their dad. I had a couple of crushingly lonely weekends to learn that. And then slowly I built up my network of girlfriends – people to play with.  I now have a good set of friends I don’t want to lose contact with.

I have a couple of girl friends who like to go to movies and a couple who like going to new places and taking pictures, I have friends who like dancing and like to come dog walking with me.

I have also become good friends with myself. I like being on my own. Sometimes it worries me how much I like being on my own! I may not tolerate living with another person if that ever comes up again as a real possibility.

Today I have a whole bunch of things on a list to do. I want to get the washing in and sorted, clean the bathroom, get a bunch of things to the dump, prune my apple tree, do some work and Ive also got three people to ring and catch up with. Because if I don’t put it on the list I don’t do it! It isn’t that I don’t care its just I have found I have to make the time.

I was at zumba yesterday and a guy I know showed up for the first time with his new wife. I thought it was so cool that they were doing that together. It’s good to commit to doing things together – often in relationships people end up doing parallel living but friendships that are parallel fade away. You cease to meet in meaningful ways.