Surprise! I'm a single parent


selling for myself
December 8, 2009, 2:47 am
Filed under: economy

It was a dark and stormy recession.

It started with oil prices – they got higher and higher. It got to the stage where every night on my street cars were having their gas caps prised off to siphon the petrol.

Then it was food prices – everything has to travel and so everything cost more. A vegetarian samosa went from $3.20 to $3.60 to $4.29 and the size of the samosa got smaller.

And then the banks started folding and before you knew it the good old kiwi investment stable – bricks and morter – started to crumble in value. All arund the world the housing bubble was popping and bursting, listing and sinking. Property was worth less and there were less lenders around to give would be buyers a loan.

And that’s when I put my house on the market. The house that belonged to my ex-husband and I. The house we had subdivided off my back section. The house that was at the bottom of  my garden.

If I was going to get less for my house I reasoned I didn’t need a middle man. I thought – I’ll put my house on Trade Me first. Worst comes to the worst I’ll hand over to an agent but at least I will try first.

I put my house in Trade Me having worked my way up from once selling a couch. I looked through the property press and thought about the kind of pictures that would make me interested in coming to see it. I also thought I shouldn’t raise expectations so people wouldn’t be disappointed. Trade Me is forgiving – you can take down photos you don’t like and put up others. And people give feedback – they asked for more pictures of the bathroom and exact dimensions of the garage. I added more info.

Next hurdle – the open home. I do my best cleaning and tidying ten minutes before guests are about to arrive – so I opened up ten minutes early and got cleaning. Would anyone turn up to my party? Then I took the paper and read and acted really casual when some people cooee -ed up the stairs.

My first open home 3 people came round – and one was what I’d call a neighbourhood tourist. The next week 3 more people but one was a repeat. Tony.

Tony made me an offer. We haggled. We verbally agreed on a price. Then the bad news – he had to sell his place first. There was a person interested in Tony’s place but…. he had a place to sell too. Suddenly I saw the real estate world as a serious of housing sales dominoes waiting to fall if only someone who could buy could set them falling.

Tony wanted to sign a sales and purchase agreement that would give him six weeks to sell his place. He didn’t have a deposit. I said no.

More open homes followed. The next offer came from a woman. When I told her that her land extended beyond the fence line she said she would get her area fenced in immediately. Her offer came from her lawyer to mine. The offer was a lot lower than I wanted. When I rang to talk to her she told me all about her ex-husband. And how she felt. And her ex-husband and his legal secretary. And how she felt about it. I imagined her coming over to my house for more chats. I declined the offer.  

Sometimes people rang to say they were just in Wellington for a few days and could I show the house. I grew to understand they were people who were trying to see if I was desperate to sell. They saw how long the house had been on the market and figured they might get a low low price.

A single parent offers me a rent to buy opportunity which has nothing in it for me. More mysterious investors from Auckland want inconvenient viewing appointments.

A few months go by. I go to the open home. Tony shows up with coffee. We read the paper. He takes newbies around and talks about his vision for the place.

My ex-husband makes noises about contacting the low price lady. He says he thinks we should call a real estate agent.

Then all of a sudden two new buyers arrive. One is a couple who live around the corner. She is a historian and he is a furniture restorer. They have a small son. They are lovely. They have to sell their flat but – it’s cheaper than mine. I help them with their photos. I seriously think about

At the same time Darren the drummer and his girlfriend also make an offer. They just need her dad to come down from Napier to make sure its OK. And he’s putting in money. Their offer is the same as the delightful couple. But its never convenient for the father in law to come to wellington. I am now thinking not just of the money but the quality of the neighbours.

I sign with the historians. They have six weeks to sell. Darren the drummer emails me everyday reminding me he is a cash buyer. I say yes but you have to wait till the end of lambing season. Can’t he get a different building inspector? Six weeks elapse. It seems the historian and the restorer won’t get the house. Darren thinks it’s a shoe in but he still isn’t moving to get his inspection done. I wonder how the sound of the drums will carry.

The historian emails me every day. She is doing all she can. She gets a lower offer and she wonders if we can drop the price a little. I ring the drummer. He is still wanting his father in law to come. He keeps saying he is a cash buyer and alludes to a place in another suburb he might turn his attention to. I go back to the historian. I say howdy neighbour. We sign the papers at our respective lawyers. The whole transaction has cost me under $500 without an agent instead of several thousand with one. But I have gained something of much more value – lovely neighbours and some new friends.



which is worse?
November 28, 2009, 5:26 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

A child who watches the Disney channel reruns over and over or a child  who watches Fashion TV? Thank goodness the sun came out and she went off swimming.



kids vote a cooking show as their favourite
November 27, 2009, 1:14 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

This morning Ive had a great girly time with my daughter watching the Nickolodean Kids awards. Best TV reality show was Australian Top Chef. We watched this during our boiled eggs and toast and I was thinking what a homey moment we were having. Last night another food oriented bonding moment we sat hand in hand at the movies watching Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs – an unexpectantly good movie.

Kids obviously have better taste than I’ve given them credit for – all those awful reality dating shows to marry supposed millionaires, all that voting off the island and the nasty put downs of shows like idol. They bypassed those hyped up shows and voted for one where people are trying to do someting useful like make dinner!

Oh I thought this was cute food related news: http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/3105062/Hansells-the-very-essence-of-a-Kiwi-family-firm



joining things
November 22, 2009, 2:42 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’ve never been a big joiner. Mum enrolled me in the brownies and I turned up and got my badges but when the blue uniformed girl guides came around I rebelled and went my own way. Secondary school I did have a sport but I doggedly didn’t join things as much as I could. Being a member has never been my thing.

So its odd to suddenly realise I’ve become a bit of a joiner. In the space of a few months Ive joined the carol singing group (I just like singing carols!) Ive joined the ceroc dancing group (its free and they can cope with me coming every second week!) and a writing group.  

I’m now a person who has more extra curricular activities than my kids. I I have to squeeze things into my childfree week. The thing I haven’t joined is anything that’s particularly active – like a gym. Gym. It sounds a bit like dungeon to me. Dungym. But I might need to join one. Hmm I doubt it’s like brownies.



frenemies
October 20, 2009, 1:02 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I just listened to a podcast exploring ‘frenemies’ – friends who are also enemies, or friends who aren’t really that great friends. It’s on This American Lifewhich I think is one of the best podcasts around.

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/

Early on it asks the question: why do we keep friendships we don’t actually like? There are two cases I was thinking about in my life while they explored this one. The first was a friend who I basically grew out of and she never grew up and actually she fired me. The cheek! and in the usual way – just faded away so that I wouldn’t have even known if my brother-in-law hadn’t mentioned he was going to her wedding and I didn’t even know about it.

The second was a person I was really there for. Over and over and over again I listened for hours to her problems. But I was never invited to her good times.  After years of this I was exhausted and more than a little pissed off – I faded away.

I thought – as I learned that people have incredible stamina and staying power for lousy friends – I thought what good training for husbands. Because if women (and women are the principal owners of frenemies it turns out) if women learnt to be more disposable and consumer oriented with their friends they wouldn’t last as long with their mates.



something cute
October 9, 2009, 5:32 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The kids were brainstorming the top six cities. my littlest suggested that city they built at night.

?

The big one figured it out first. Oh you mean Rome! Which wasn’t built in a day…..



Monday
October 5, 2009, 2:05 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Monday night now. I had 4 meetings at work today and a ton of work to stuff in around the edges of them. The rest of the week looks like more of the same. The great thing about my job is the day goes faster than a king sized bar of almond chocolate on girls night. My youngest daughter scooted down to my work from her school and we forewent the usual trip to the library after work and nipped to the supermarket instead.

Getting home I opened the back door of the car and found the five dollar note I’d give older daughter to get home that night on the bus. Arghhhhh! I navigate the welcome homing dogs and make for the phone book and catch her before her French lesson finishes. The administrator lends her bus money and then safe in the knowledge she is not a temporary street kid I make dinner, pay some bills, eat with the family, walk the dog, retrieve youngest from trampoline valley, comb the knots from Miss 7s hair, listen to her read then lie down and read her chapter book till she falls asleep. Time to blog – which usually means the phone will ring but so far so good tonight!

Blogging is a wickedly self absorbing and self indulgent thing to do. I know it must seem deranged to spend half my day at a computer and come home and do more of the same but really it’s not – there’s nobody trying to reframe, rescope, descope or nit pick the living daylights out of my thoughts. I don’t even feel compelled to finish them or end up where I wanted to go.

Ok, I’m off to fix the ingrown toe nail of my eldest, write a speech for my toastmasters group on Wednesday, empty the dishwasher then read a report I brought home in bed. Night night.



wish me luck!
September 11, 2009, 12:26 pm
Filed under: community

It is 7.07am on a Saturday morning as I type this. I was cheerily tapped on the head by my now 8 year old at approximately 6.06am. It’s her big big day. This afternoon 6 of her friends are coming around for a SLEEPOVER party. I think of this as the ultimate parent endurance test. 

Things I have left to do:

rearrange furniture (have already moved breakables)

wrap pass the parcel inserting slow it down and make it last longer jokes (googling now)

write clues for treasure hunt

blow up more balloons

pick up dvds, Singstar and ps2 from video shop at 2.30

have Singstar up and running by 3.30 without IT support

Once again my mother is coming through with a cake. She is just the best mother! And gingerbread men. I love them. We made our own pinyata which is a box thoroughlly masking taped up (after lollies and string handle are applied) and randomly painted. You have to pay $25 for an empty one at the Waarehouse so we thought we’d have a go and it’s been fun putting it together. A liberal application of streamers and its all ready to face the wrath of my old tennis racquet!

As a person who believes in housework in moderation these sort of events are actually quite useful for the inhabitants of my house because I am motivated to tidy and clean before, and necessarily, after – resulting in better storage solutions in the kids rooms especially. Wow they have so much junk!

Anyway must get googling for things like this:

Q. What did the light bulb say to it’s Mum? A. I wuv you watts and watts!



channeling my super powers
August 29, 2009, 5:07 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

For years I have had a recurring dream – not sure what it means. In the dream I find new rooms. It always makes me really happy. Wow a whole new room! Sometimes a series of rooms. Sometimes a whole house next door thats better that I could move into.



Thrilling
August 16, 2009, 2:52 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

It happened on Wednesday. It happened by email. I opened it waiting for the latest hold up but in the end there just weren’t any more hold ups left. I own my house. Just me and the bank. I have my own life. I am no longer attached.
Interesting note: The property conveyance cost more than the separation agreement.
Speaking of which – there is a slow but steady trickle of readers requesting the separation agreement. I’m changing my email in a few weeks and although I’ve changed it here I notice that comments to older posts go to the old address still. So – if you want it, comment to this post or ones that come tumbling after.
(Can you name the nursery rhyme that inspired that last sentence?)
It’s been a grey and gloomy weekend weather wise – time to hunker down. We have made the most of it. I’ve managed to get out with the dog and burn a few calories, we went to the garden shop and got strawberries, a passionfruit vine and a lemon tree, we ate potatoes in their jackets and finally I took a list to the supermarket and did a speed buy to the soundtrack of Thriller. Presume it was a long play version.