Surprise! I'm a single parent

Sometimes it feels like it would be much easier to give in than battle. Tonight I asked my youngest to go have a shower. One of my girls is religious about a nightly shower – the other would go weeks or months without one if she could get away with it. I’m hoping hormones and peer pressure will eventually reduce my policing role but right now Im the mean mummy who demands water torture.

I started the battle with an ultimatum that I’d count to three IF. Something I learnt years ago is that its no good threatening to count to 20 because its just too long and to make sure my threats are carried out – so threaten something I feel ok about carrying out (oh and that child protection would be ok with too!). So tonight it was I’m going to count to 3 and if you aren’t heading to the shower Im taking your clothes off myself. I only said one and she was off like a rocket.

All wasn’t sorted however I could tell by the banging that there was plenty of foot stomping and little cleansing going on in the bathroom. So I ended up weilding the shampoo bottle but she was in the room and wet and that was a much easier proposition.

I think you meet yourself through your children. My first awareness of this was understanding the guises we develop. My babies were born wearing raw unhidden emotion, they feel and they yell or laugh and then they learn to keep those feelings to themselves – we encourage it, ignoring tantrums, patiently rehearsing the words they must say to disguise their contempt of a disappointing birthday present, telling them to stop that delightful squeaking because it is too irritating for me.

Once clothed in emotional control it can be hard to be naked even to ourselves. I have found the way back to me through knowing my kids, watching them act differently to the way I would – not wrong just different, and learning to see and accept that difference.